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Joyous Birth Members - Amy's Birth Stories
WARNING - this is VERY LONG!!!!
My first pregnancy was a rough one from the start. I was only 15 when I got
pregnant. I had planned on giving the baby up for adoption since I knew there
was no way I was ready for a baby, I couldn't even take care of myself. My Mom
sent me to a home for unwed mothers to spare the family some shame. It was a
lonely time. I picked out the adoptive parents, even got to meet them. This
made me feel better. I chose a couple who lived on a lot of land. He worked
with computers and she stayed at home. I had no problems in the pregnancy
except for a tooth that needed a root canal the week before I gave birth. I
was almost 42 weeks when I noticed that he had not moved in a while. I tried
all the things that would usually make him move, like eating and a bath.
Nothing worked. I was at my parents for the weekend and I told my Mom
something was wrong in the morning. We called my OB who told me to come in for
a NST. When we got there, they found no heartbeat. I was in L & D and I can
remember hearing that familiar fast beat, thinking it was my son, only to find
out I was hearing someone else's baby from another room. That was the worst
part. My heart would race as I asked if that was my baby. The Dr. said we
would not confirm anything until I had an ultrasound. The ultrasound showed my
son had died. I was numb. I cried but it really did not hit me until a few
years later. They set up the pit and I had a pretty normal labor. They kept me
very comfortable, since no drugs could hurt the baby, I had no real pain. This
was a Saturday afternoon. By late saturday night, i told my parents to go home
and get some sleep. While they were gone, I called the baby's father. My Mom
would not let me call him before. I told him what had happened and that if he
wanted to see the baby he should come and wait at the hospital. He said
nothing other than "No, that's OK". By early morning, I was having a hard time
with my contractions and asked the nurse to call my Mom. He was posterior and
the back pain was unreal. they had shut the epi off so that I could push. Once
I could push, it felt better. I did well for my age and pushed him out
(posterior still) in half an hour with the help of forceps. I don't really
know why they used the forceps, I was doing fine on my own. He was 7 pounds 6
ounces and looked so old. He had broad shoulders and looked just like me. I
named him David Michael. Once they cleaned him up, I was able to hold and
spend time with him. They took pictures of him and I still have them. I
donated his body for research after the autopsy. He is buried in a large grave
that has a simple headstone "That the dead shall teach the living" in a
cemetary that is in the woods.
I bounced right back to myself after his birth,
so anxious to be myslef and get over this. I ended up on drugs and led a rough
life for years trying to make it all go away. Nobody let me grieve. I heard
"Well, you wern't keeping him anyways" and "Now you don't have to always
wonder how he is". People just didn't understand.
At 19 i found myself, single and pregnant again. I was just finishing high
school (had dropped out for a while so i was a year behind) and was trying to
get my life back together. I was out of the drug scene, but still drank every
day and was in a rough crowd. I had no clue why I hurt so bad or why I never
fit in anywhere (especially at home). The guy I was dating was a jerk. I was
head over heels for him and he had other ideas. When I told him I was pregnant
he told me to have an abortion or I would never see him again. I was 8 weeks
pregnant at the time. There was no way I could have an abortion, I just didn't
believe in it. I did not see the father until my son was 18 months old at the
court house. Anyways, I developed high blood pressure toward the end of my
pregnancy and was put on bed rest. I did some major healing those last few
months. I had gotten real close with an old high school friend who acted like
he was my baby's father. He worried about us so much. He was in the military
and was in the Gulf war at the time. At 38 weeks, the OB ordered an NST and
did not like the results. He ordered a bio-physical profile that showed my
baby to be fine. However, with what happened to my first and my blood
pressure, he felt better getting the baby out. So, off I went for an
induction. I spent three days there with them trying to ripen my cervix with
gels. All it did was make me misearable, no change in my cervix at all. On day
4, they started the pit drip. The contractions were unbearable from the first
one. I could not eat or even get out of bed because of all the monitors and
the IV. At night they let me take a shower and shut the pit off so I could
rest. I was dialated to 2 cm and my labor stopped for the night. Next morning,
it started all over again. In miday I finally reached 4 cm so i got the
epidural. It was great to be pain free, but by nights end I was only 6 cm. The
pit continued until the next day (day 3 of the pit) when I finally was 8 cm.
They shut the pit off so I could push when the time came. At 9 cm. my son had
decels in his HR. I was dialated to 10 with a lip and felt the urge to push.
The Dr. looked at the monitor and all of a sudden, my room was filled with
people yelling at me. They made my Mom leave and would not tell me what was
going on. They were screaming at me to get on all fours. I was numb from being
in the same position and was ready to push. I couldn't get up. I don't know if
it was the fear or what. Finally, a nurse decided to help me get up as I heard
a Dr. telling me I will kill my baby if I don't listen to them and get up.
Once on all fours, with the oxygen mask, I finally had the courage to ask what
was wrong. They wouldn't even tell me, like I was not there. They talked about
me and my son like we were not real, we were machines and not even there.
Here I was, 19 and soo scared that I was loosing another baby. They knew my
history, you think they would understand. The nurse told me they were taking
me to the OR and I may loose the baby. I am balling, on all fours, being
wheeled down the hall without even being covered up. I saw my Mom as they
raced me down the hall. She was crying so hard. She later told me she thought
she was loosing both of us. They wouldn't even tell her what was going on.
Once in the OR, they the epi back in and his HR was fine. A nurse finally told
me that the baby was not getting enough oxygen and I was getting a C-section.
The Dr. declared my son was fine after a scalp test, but sectioned me anyways
(AT FULL DIALATION) because my labor had stopped (gee, I wonder why??) and
labeled it Failure to Progress. I didn't care, i just wanted him out. I could
not loose another baby. Daniel Robert was born at 6 ponds 14 ounces and was so
content. His apgar scores were 9 and 9 (pretty high for such a distressed
baby, huh?). The nurse took my Mom to see him (They held him in front of my
face but never let me touch him) in the NICU (just in case) and she said he
had his hands folded behind his back and was just checking out the place. When
she spoke to him, he studied her face for so long. A fimilar voice must have
been nice for him hear. Too bad it should have been his Mom. I was not bitter
about this birth for years. i looked at the OB as my savior. I had a healthy
son and nothing else mattered. i really believed something was wrong with him
and the Dr. saved him. It took years for me to understand what happened to me.
Once I got home my life was getting better. I had not touched a drop of liquor
or any drugs since I had found out I was pregnant with my son. I was involved
with that high schol friend also. We were so in Love, it was great!! He came
back from the war and we were getting married. I live in Michigan and he was
stationed in Arizona. We had plane tickets to go to Arizona and he was going
to adopt my first son. Two weeks after his leave, I found out I was pregnant.
My son was only 4 months old. Life went on though, we were to be married
before the baby came. One day I called his house in Arizona and his girlfriend
(now his wife) answered the phone. Needless to say, I have not seen him since.
Anyways, this pregnancy was pretty simple, no complications. I had so many Dr.
visits with the head periantologist, weekly NST's and ultrasounds to make sure
nothing happened to this baby. I was told they would take my son at 38 weeks.
I didn't even question it. I believed that something was wrong with my body
and I was not meant to carry a baby to term or birth on my own. Eric thomas
was born on Valentine's day and weighed 6 pounds 2 ounces (at 37 weeks). The
OB told me that when he cut into me, my son was asleep and when only his head
out, he was screaming bloody murder. His tempermant was known right then :-) I
did get to touch eric after he was born. he was about 20 minutes old and they
held him and I got to give him a kiss and touch him with my finger tips (my
hands were strapped down). I thought this birth was great at the time.
A year and a half later I was married. I had started up my own housecleaning
business and was trying really hard to fix my life. I did marry an alcoholic
though. We were having major troubles and for some strange reason i thought a
baby would fix it. So, I got my norplant out and was pregnant 6 months later.
It worked, he did quit drinking and things were going well. At 14 weeks we
found out I was having twins. I had always wanted twins and was so excited. At
18 weeks I had noticed they had not moved that day. i called my Ob and she
told me to relax, it was too early for their movements to be regular yet. I
knew better and we went to the ER. They tried to find the heart tones but were
not able and got out the ultrasiound. The Dr. started walking out of the room
and said he was calling my regular OB. i asked what was wrong, he again said
he was calling my OB. I asked him if there was a heartbeat and he looked at me
- said no and left. We cried and then my regular OB came in. She wanted to
admit me and then induce in the morning. I wanted to go home. She gave me a
sleeping pill and we were to come back in the morning. I did not sleep for
hours, even though I took both pills she gave us (one was for my husband). It
was the strangest feeling, feeling my round belly knowing there was no life in
there. We went in the morning and saw a new OB. He told me I could have a D &
E or they could induce. He explained what a D & E was and was so honest with
me. He said that he did not like doing that to babies and I wanted to see my
boys, so we decided on an induction. They did an amnio first in hopes of
finding an answer to what had happened. They did the first baby's sac, then
injected a dye so they would know if they got the same baby on the next try.
Well, 6 tries later, they were all blue. The US had showed two seperate sacs
so they kept trying. I was in tears and finally they gave up. They gave me
several doses of the gel and I felt nothing. I started getting crampy around
midnight and around 3 AM i felt a really strong contraction and then another
one. While my husband was finding a nurse, my twins came out in one push,
together with the amniotic sac intact. After they cleaned up the babies, we
were left alone with them for a long time. i had expected them to look funny
since I was only 18 weeks. They looked like TINY babies, not aliens. Jack
Anthony was 9 ounces, 8 inches and Johnathon Allen was 1 pound 9 inches.I kept
saying over and over that it was legal in Michigan to abort babies this big, I
just couldn't believe that. We held them and had them blessed. I had a hard
time letting these babies go. We found out they had twin to twin transfusion,
they were identical twins. We donated their bodies to research and this time
used a different medical school. they had a mass burial a few months later
that meant the world to me. All the remains of everyone who had been donated
that year was in a box and they gave us roses to put on the box. they had
prayers and songs. One woman sang Hush little baby and I saw twin boys who
were around a year at the same time. It was so rough, but helped me face what
had happened. My husband began drinking days after we lost the boys and I lost
my father a month later. Two months after that I was divorced. It was a rash
decision, but looking back it was the first smart thing I did. He is now in
prison for multiple charges.
I was done with men and having babies after I lost my twins. I focused my life
on the two boys I had and my buisness. I sold my buisnesss and went to work
for a lager company for the benefits and regular hours. I had once again found
God and myself. i was at peace with life. I ended up falling in love with my
boss. it was a long process and he was my best friend first. He was so gentle,
paitent and kind. I ended up pregnant and wanted to die. I did not want to do
this again. He calmed my fears and we were married when I was 6 months
pregnant. I was still seeing the same type of OB's but was starting to think
differently. I wanted a VBAc and my OB was supportive, provided I had the baby
by 38 weeks. I ended up with my scheduled section and a terrible birth!! I had
wanted to see the baby right away and it took 15 minutes before I saw him.
They had a hard time getting the spinal in and it took 8 tries, they wouldn't
even let my husband in for support until the spinal was in. The OB joked
through the entire surgery about how nice my organs looked. When my son was
born, he told me I had a star treck baby because he was so bald. Justin Arden
was 6 pounds 14 ounces. I had to fight to get him in the recovery room with me
and then again when I got my room. I wanted him with me at night or at least
be able to nurse him (this was the first one I nursed) and they fought me
because I "needed my sleep". I begged to have him room in with me the second
night and fought every time they came in and we were sleeping in the same bed.
They wanted him in the isolette if he was sleeping. I was hassled that we
chose to keep him intact even. He was given numerous bottles in the nursery
and I was sent home with the advice that "Most Moms do not make enough milk
and supplement" I had no clue. I had never even saw a baby nursing and knew
nobody who nursed. By six weeks, Justin refused to nurse, he wanted the
bottle. I was stubborn and did not quit. i found League and we fought it out
for a few weeks. We did get the hang of it, but he was almost 4 months old
before I enjoyed nursing him. he continued to nurse for 17 months when I
weaned him because of sore nipples.
Boy, I have said a lot!! I know some of this has nothing to do with birth, but
I felt the whole story was needed. I have come a long way and this did feel
good. I can see more clearly now why i hate allopathic dr.'s and why I will
not deliver this baby in a hospital. Thank you for listening :-0 My next birth
story to be posted here will be sooo much better :-)
Amy
Note:Amy recently gave birth to a beautiful baby boy - look here for the birth story soon, hopefully!
Here's the announcement from the list:
Well, the suspence is over, I DID IT!!!!!! I had my son at 11:58 this morning
:-) We have not yet named him. He was 7 pounds 6 ounces and 19 1/2 inches
long, looks just like his Daddy and he is just BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!! It was a
pretty long labor as you all know all to well, but I did very well. I didn't
handle the pushing good at all and did tear a little up top, but never the
less, he came out!!!! I will post a birth story when time permits. Thanks to
all of you who were there for me, score one more for homebirth :-)
I LOVE ALL OF YOU,
Amy
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