Joyous Birth Members - Sara Waldroup's Birth Story

To start this off, I really must start at the beginning. On February 9, 1991, I went to a party with my roommate. At the party, I had too much to drink and kind of hooked up with a guy that I knew who was friends with someone who lived down the hall. We went back to my room and this was the start of my relationship with my future husband. I probably never would have seen him again, as I was in the habit of sleeping with someone and never talking to them again. But, Jay was different and he called me. We spent a lot of time together the next few weeks. One night he opened up and told me that he was married but separated. He also told me that he felt the separation was due to the fact that she had had an abortion early in their marriage. He said he tried to talk about it, but she never wanted to. Eventually she went home to Germany for Christmas and when she came back she told Jay she didn't want to be married to him anymore.

He was shocked. Things weren't going well, but a divorce? This happened in December. Once they separated, he decided he needed to go out and "sow wild oats." I was his first wild oat (and his last I might add). In April or so, I began to suspect that I was pregnant. We talked about it and he said he would stand by whatever choice I made. I told him that I would probably have an abortion. He said he would do whatever I wanted and if I wanted to keep the baby, he would stand by me too. I felt at that time that there was no way I could have a baby and still do what I wanted to do. I was a freshman in college and was nineteen years old.

On May 5, I went to Planned Parenthood to get the pregnancy confirmed. Up until this point I had hoped that if I ignored it, it would go away. I had a urine test, but didn't even need that to confirm. They did a pap and ran all of the STD checks. During the pap, the doctor told me I was indeed pregnant and that my uterus was the size of a grapefruit. They asked what I wanted to do and I said I wanted an abortion. They asked me about money and I said I didn't have any. She gave me the number for the Welfare Office so that I could get money to pay for the abortion.

Earlier in the year, my other roommate G. had had an abortion. Also, my roommate A.'s sister had had an abortion. I had expressed concern over this, and so my roommate A. had a long talk with me. She asked me about the others' abortions and reminded me about how I felt about those. She said that she honestly didn't believe that I could live with myself if I made that choice. What she said really changed my mind. I don't know that I wouldn't have come to that conclusion on my own, but most likely it would have been too late. The next day (May 15) I remember getting out of the shower and saying "Wow, I'm going to have a baby!?" That night I called my mother and told her I had something to tell her. She said, "You're pregnant." I was shocked. I hadn't really talked to my mother much in the last few months, and she was 2,000 miles away! How could she have known? She was not too unhappy and just asked me where my bc pills were, but her reaction to all of it was a lot better than I thought it would be. You see, I am the 4th generation of first born daughters to get pregnant before marriage, and I grew up with the idea that I would break the cycle. So much for that theory!

Next, I found a doctor. I had been in the hospital in December of 1990 with a severe kidney infection. I liked the hospital as far as hospitals go and so I chose the women's clinic that was across the street from the hospital. They had four doctors and had a policy that you see all four of them before you delivered so you had met them all before delivery. It actually was quite nice. At my first appointment the doctor made sure to check for signs of kidney infection because of my past history. Nothing turned up that day, but the next day, I immediately got a kidney infection.

Most of my pregnancy was very normal. I only threw up once because I hadn't eaten anything at all that day except chocolate chip cookies. (Note this was before I was keeping the baby!) As long as I ate, I was perfectly okay. I did suffer from nausea a lot though, but that was mostly because my nose got so sensitive that I could smell anything and everything from miles away. This was a blessing because before pregnancy I smoked, but the nausea (and keeping the baby) made me stop because it made me want to puke as did all the other odd smells you can think of!

I had all the normal tests done (AFP, sugar, u/s, etc.). I wouldn't allow my dh to find out the sex of the child because I wanted a surprise. So even though we had an ultrasound, we didn't find out. I had one more kidney infection in October which had me admitted to L&D with the monitor around my belly so that we could be sure the infection didn't cause any contractions. We were there for a couple hours and everything was okay, except the pain from the kidney infection.

My due date was December 15. I never let it bother me though because I figured I'd be at least two weeks late. On December 16, my dh graduated from Art School. His father came up from New Mexico and stayed with us. I made him biscuits and gravy, and to this day he still talks about how he knew I was okay because I made good biscuits and gravy!

Well we went to graduation and afterwards everyone was getting together at a local bar. I was only 20 and of course not old enough to get in, but that didn't stop us. We went to the bar and had a great time. I didn't drink and no one ever carded me! We also danced, which was pretty interesting with a 9+ month pregnant belly! While we were there, one of dh's friend's girlfriend started asking us about why we weren't married or planning to get married. We told her that we didn't feel it was necessary. We felt that a baby is no reason to just get married. She asked, "Well, don't you love her?" Jay said yes, but we weren't ready for marriage. When he said that I tried not to get too excited and really didn't believe he meant it as he'd never said it to me.

We ended up closing the bar down. We finally got home at 2:30 a.m. We came in and got in bed and I started asking him about whether he meant what he said to the friend's girlfriend. He said that he did and this was the first time that he ever told me he loved me. We had a wonderful long talk, made love and went to sleep. I kept replaying what he said over and over in my mind so that I wouldn't forget it. I finally fell asleep thinking about him.

BIRTH. At about 5:00 I woke up to pee. Nothing new. When I got there, I was a tad wet. I thought of course that I had just not made it to the bathroom. I peed and went back to bed. While I was laying there trying to get back to sleep, I felt a contraction. I had never felt one before as I didn't ever feel any braxton hicks contractions. A few minutes later I felt another one. I woke up Jay and told him it was time. We sat in bed and tried to time them. We then called the doctor's office because we really couldn't tell when one would stop and another would start. They weren't too painful at all at this point.

We took our time getting ready to go because I didn't want to get there too early. I also had planned on a drug free birth and knew that the longer I was there the more likely it would be that I would have more interventions. So, I took a shower and Jay went about packing the hospital bag with fruit etc for me and him. I wasn't hungry (still have a hard time eating that early in the morning). I showered and took my time getting ready to go. We got everything down to the car (a VW Rabbit with only the driver's side door working) and I realized I had forgotten the Medicaid coupon I needed for service. So, out I climb over the gear shift, in labor and inside to get the coupon.

We finally arrive at the hospital at 6:30. Jay dropped me off at the front and I waited for him in the lobby. From here on out, it's all fuzzy. I know that I was about 5 cm. when I arrived (had been 2 cm at appt on Friday). I told them I didn't want medication and they gave me the standard, "Don't set yourself up like that. You may need it, and we don't want you to be disappointed if you have to have it." I just ignored them. They told me that by dinner time I'd have my baby. I remember getting an IV at some point because they said my bp was a little high. I always figured, "I'm having a baby and this is kind of an anxious time, wouldn't it be just a little high?" I have since figured out that I am very much affected by the environment I'm in when I get my bp taken.

The next thing I remember is Jay asking if he could take a short nap. I said sure because I was handling it okay, and I knew that he would probably be asleep for about 30 minutes max because he is the type to lay down for 10 minutes and be completely refreshed. At 8:00 my labor nurse (who stayed with me up until this point) had a breakfast break. Her relief nurse came in and promptly started complaining about how Jay was sleeping while I'm in labor. This had to be one of the most unpleasant parts of the whole thing! I felt like I was okay with it, so why should she care? Fortunately my other nurse came back at 8:30. From here until pushing, I don't really remember too much. I remember throwing up and how good it felt. I remember laboring on the toilet for awhile too and that felt good, but of course they wanted me back in bed to monitor me. I remember about 10:00, for the first time I thought about drugs, but I didn't say anything out loud about it. I guess it was, "Well, if it gets much worse, I'm not sure I can handle it." Fortunately, there wasn't too much time left and I never voiced my opinion and therefore didn't have any "help" in my decision.

Sometime in the morning my bil came in and gave us the video camera (we were borrowing from inlaws). My mil was supposed to come and video tape the birth. We weren't sure she would make it as my fil was having back surgery the same day. At 10:30 a.m. I began the pushing phase. By this time I not only had an IV but also an oxygen mask. At 10:45, my mil made it. She said it was a miracle that she got there (from Bellevue, across the bridge from Seattle), found a parking spot and came directly to the right floor and found my room. The funny thing is that when she got to the nurse's station, she couldn't remember my last name! Fortunately because her son had had the same problem with the camera, the nurses knew who she were looking for.

She came in and I was pushing. Everyone was very supportive. I was of course in lithotomy position, flat on my back with the stirrups. No one ever told me to push when I didn't have the urge either. I'm so glad to look back on the tape and you see that everyone was waiting for me and really was very supportive. The setup was like this: me on the bed, mil taping from around my head and legs (not from the foot of the bed), labor nurse on my left side, pediatric nurse on my right side (taking some very interesting still shots with my camera), obgyn on my left side by my legs and Jay and an intern between my legs.

We were very lucky with our doctors. We asked all four of them in the practice if Jay could catch the baby. All four (some more than others) were open to it as long as there were no problems. They had him get dressed in green scrubs just before the pushing stage. Unfortunately, no one offered to tie the top of his scrubs and he didn't want to infect his gloves, so he had a problem keeping his top on.

Pushing went very well. For me this was the most painful part. Everyone reported on the red hair that they could see. I didn't have a mirror and really didn't want one because I wanted to concentrate. Eventually the baby's head crowned and I screamed (in the most demonic voice I've ever heard, similar to the Exorcist) "GET IT OUT NOW!!!!" This is when the labor nurse says, "Okay, Sara, just pant, the doctor is going to give you a small episiotomy." I really didn't know what exactly was going on and I really hadn't been loud enough about my desire to avoid an episiotomy. So there it was. I heard the snip, but didn't feel the shot or anything else. DH said that it looked like I would tear without the cut. Once the cut was made, they told me to push one more time. I pushed and out came the head. They said, "Okay, Sara, one more push." Then you hear me say, "No, I pushed one more time last time. I'm not pushing any more." And then you hear them all say that I need to push one more time for the shoulders. Of course, I did. And Andrew Jeremy was born at 11:04 a.m. December 17, 1991 (4.5 hours after I arrived at the hospital). He weighed 8 lbs. 14.5 ozs. and was 20.5 in. long. He promptly pooped all over his daddy. On the video you can see the wonderful green meconium all over Jay's gloved hand.

Next they turned on the pitocin, pushed on my tummy and out came the placenta. The pushing on my tummy hurt much worse than all the rest of it. I remember saying that to dh afterwards. They offered to let dh cut the cord, but he didn't want to give the baby up and wanted to make sure that I got to hold him right away. Of course, by the time I got him he was all wrapped up and everything. He stayed with us for quite awhile, but we didn't try breastfeeding until a few hours later.

I know that this is really long, but I would like to make a few comments on this experience. For a hospital birth, it was actually not too bad (I've since heard the most horrific stories about it). I didn't have anyone telling me I couldn't do it. Everyone was very supportive and helpful. The labor nurse helped me to remember my breathing as did Jay. But even though I didn't have a terrible experience, I realize now that I gave my power over to someone else and missed a great opportunity for growth and empowerment. Don't get me wrong, I felt wonderful about how I didn't have medication, it was only 6.5 hours, .5 hour of pushing....etc., but now I know that childbirth is really meant to be a completely different experience.

The part that has taught me the most is that whenever Jay offered to help me--ice chips, water, walking, etc.--I would say no thank you. Whenever the nurse would offer, I gladly accepted. I have since figured out that I had given my power over to the medical staff and that while I knew that my body could do it, I didn't completely accept that fact and didn't accept that anyone besides the medical staff was capable of helping me.

I am so much looking forward to the birth of our next child. I see it as an experience that will strengthen the bond that Jay and I have. I know now that I can trust my body to birth any child, and most importantly I know that Jay really has a lot of insight into labor and birth. Yes, I know he's a man and doesn't have the parts (although he knows he has been a woman before in past lives), but I truly feel that it is a great chance to deepen the trust and commitment we have. I also know that if I must do it alone, I can do that too.

Thank you for reading if you made it this far! It really means a lot to share this story, and I appreciate you taking the time to read it!